You Gotta Keep Ya Head Up

This week has been hard. There has been a lot on my plate and a lot to deal with. A lot of trust betrayed and webs of lies being weaved. As far as water polo goes, there is a handful of girls that i truly feel like they care about what happens, and it bothers me. I don't think that the majority of my teammates think about a game in advance or let anything soak in after it. Sonoma was a hard loss for me and it's still in my head, and after that game i feel as though some girls just didn't get it. We gotta figure out how to win the big games and we gotta figure out how to be consistent. we can't have this rollercoaster of up and down, and i don't put this all on my teammates. Our coaches have to figure out how to not kill momentum and how to let the bet team play and work itself out of funks. I'm just focusing on this weekend, its a good one, i wanna do well and put some wins on the board for my girls.

As far as personal goes, i feel betrayed. I have never felt this before, i've been stabbed in the back but i've always felt like in time, that person has approached me, had enough respect for me to tell me that they fucked up. Maybe i'm not friends with them, but we ended our ties on good terms. I have a hard time when I know what someone is doing behind my back and then to my face they act like we are best friends. when you are paranoid about me being mad or why things are akward, then you KNOW that you've done something wrong, if you were innocent you'd have no reaason to worry. I'm so done trying to make a friendship work when the other person could give a fuck about me, the other person has no problem screwing me over time and time and time again.

I know i'm not the only one going through this and not the only one feeling this way but yea....we jsut gotta push through it and know that we will always have each others backs. I know who my good friends are at this point in my life and i love them and i will always have their backs and i will always do anything for them. Maybe i'm reading into this too much and maybe i'm making this into a bigger deal than it needs to be, and if thats the case then i'm sorry, but its jsut buggin the hell outta me.

I love my girls.

"oooh child things will get easier....ooooh child things will get brighter! Keep ya head up..." -Tupac

Deuces.