Another Chance.

So I got what I wanted...Another chance at beating Sonoma State. When I read that email, i was so exstatic that it had happened....its basically what i had been hoping for. I didn't think we'd see them again until conference championships, and i did NOT want to wait that long. My adrenaline has been pumping and i'm ready for it again...and i want it even more this time. I want this win. I want to play so hard that i can bearly breathe after the game. my mindset is success...and the only way that success will be fulfilled is with a win...failure is not an option at this point....yea i'm getting intense but its gonna take some intensity to kill these girls. Lets do it.

So this past week i've been sick, and whenever i'm sick, it makes me miss home so much. I miss my mom and my dad being there to take care of me and giving me hugs and making me feel better. its not so much even the things that they do, its just the environment that they create, its so soothing and relaxing and it can't help but make someone feel better. Talking to them on the phone helps a little bit, but it will never be the same as being there with them. I love my family so much and i miss them a lot....im glad i get to see them again soon.

Isn't it crazy how a person can randomly pop back into your life and have a huge effect on it? I hadn't talked to this homeboy from high school in about a year, and then he found me on facebook/myspace, and we started talking. We exchanged numbers and ended up texting back and forth for about 4 hours. Crazy right? and it was just bland conversation, it was good catching up and good talk conversation. I never realized how much I missed him until i started talking to him again, and i think i'm really excited that he's back in my life. Its gonna be fun!

Me and Drew started our "deep thought notebooks". I know riles knows what im talking about, but for you others, me and drew had a really good talk about a week ago, and it was just a deep talk, and we decided that we were going to get notebooks and keep them with us, and whenever we have a good thought, we're going to write it down. Our goal eventually is to put all these thoughts into a book. The book will be called "Life" by Kellie Koorndyk and Andrew Castro....its going to be a best seller. We're going to go on tour with it, and luda will perform at bookstores across the country to help us promote it. haha. but on the real, i guess its kind of like this blogging thing somewhat right? its kind of like a way to express and reflect on things that are in our heads. I think its gonna be fun. Oh...ps. we decorated them, mine has tupac and t.i. on it...his has a beach...thats quite comical. hahaha.

Well this has been a random all over the place blog, but its been good. Love you girls!! :)

Deuces.

"If hard work pays off then easy work is worthless." -Nelly "Heart of a Champion"

You Gotta Keep Ya Head Up

This week has been hard. There has been a lot on my plate and a lot to deal with. A lot of trust betrayed and webs of lies being weaved. As far as water polo goes, there is a handful of girls that i truly feel like they care about what happens, and it bothers me. I don't think that the majority of my teammates think about a game in advance or let anything soak in after it. Sonoma was a hard loss for me and it's still in my head, and after that game i feel as though some girls just didn't get it. We gotta figure out how to win the big games and we gotta figure out how to be consistent. we can't have this rollercoaster of up and down, and i don't put this all on my teammates. Our coaches have to figure out how to not kill momentum and how to let the bet team play and work itself out of funks. I'm just focusing on this weekend, its a good one, i wanna do well and put some wins on the board for my girls.

As far as personal goes, i feel betrayed. I have never felt this before, i've been stabbed in the back but i've always felt like in time, that person has approached me, had enough respect for me to tell me that they fucked up. Maybe i'm not friends with them, but we ended our ties on good terms. I have a hard time when I know what someone is doing behind my back and then to my face they act like we are best friends. when you are paranoid about me being mad or why things are akward, then you KNOW that you've done something wrong, if you were innocent you'd have no reaason to worry. I'm so done trying to make a friendship work when the other person could give a fuck about me, the other person has no problem screwing me over time and time and time again.

I know i'm not the only one going through this and not the only one feeling this way but yea....we jsut gotta push through it and know that we will always have each others backs. I know who my good friends are at this point in my life and i love them and i will always have their backs and i will always do anything for them. Maybe i'm reading into this too much and maybe i'm making this into a bigger deal than it needs to be, and if thats the case then i'm sorry, but its jsut buggin the hell outta me.

I love my girls.

"oooh child things will get easier....ooooh child things will get brighter! Keep ya head up..." -Tupac

Deuces.

I'm quiet...deal with it.

so its been awhile and damn has a lot gone down! ha. first of all...a win is a win regardless of how ugly it is right? Should someone who is supposed to be the leader be able to take that away from the team? No...i don't think they should, and i think it comes down to the team not allowing that win to be taken away from them. We had a sloppy win against UoP this past weekend, but it was a win nonetheless. In a way, isn't it kind of positive?? Isn't it kind of comforting to know that we can be exhausted and play sloppy and not our best, but still pull out the win?? That makes me excited to see what we can do when we play at our best.

Also, I have been constantly picked on this past week about not speaking up enough and not being vocal enough. I am a quiet person by nature, i would rather lead by example instead of talking at people and telling them what to do. ANYONE can tell someone what to do. I feel like i knew where i stood and this past week has made me question that...although i got lost in it for a minute, i know where i stand and i know what my role is. I'm quiet, i will talk when i need to, and i will be the first one to pick someone up when they are down....i think thats respectable.

This is a big weekend coming up, and it means a lot ot me than i think most of the team knows. It kind of gets down to being personal....i dont just want to beat Sonoma...i need to beat sonoma...its just something within me that has a pure drive to want to be victorious over them. I've been preparing for this game for 2 days now...listening to my jams and just gettin in the zone...i'm ready to take them down.

"And i dont quit....if you ain't notice yet" -T.I.

Deuces.